i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
