The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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