A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
