Who did Billy Mays play for?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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