4 words: hood of his car
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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