The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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