cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
