if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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