im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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