And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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