Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
