nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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