Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
