I heard we made out
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
