you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
