he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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