Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
