I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
