I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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