Can i not drive my cunt home
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Too much gin, very little bucket
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
