Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
