This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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