All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
