I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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