I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
