saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
