we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
