Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
