I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
