last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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