we have pet lesbian snakes
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
