I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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