I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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