My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
