I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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