Cold hands, warm shart.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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