the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
