I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
