Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
