how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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