I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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