Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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