I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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