Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
