Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
