I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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