This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
