Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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