he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize