Screwed.edu
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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