So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
