Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
