Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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