i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
