who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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