so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
