i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
