why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
