I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
