Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize