is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Duck Duck Cougar?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
