we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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