used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
