mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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