he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He kissed a someone with a penis
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We left the knife in your bed.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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