So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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