We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize